(Read my previous post for better understanding on this topic)
I will start this post by answering a simple question asked to me in my last post, Are you against a person trying to find love again ? My answer is no. I'm not against anyone trying to find love again. At the same time she told me that she was honest with her husband about her past and he anyways accepted her.
The points here to note are the she was "HONEST" with her husband and that's a must for a relationship and that's what I said in my post as virginity in mind.Anyone can make a mistake but what matter is that, is a person ready to accept the other person in his/her mind ?
The second point here is the "CHOICE", here the husband and wife both made their choice to be together. This freedom of choice has to be given to a person to choose that will he/she be able to spend their life with the other person or not ?
In most of the posts that I read I find three generalization -
1. the righteous guy who asks about the virginity of the women
2. the "JERK" who was responsible for all the wrong in the mutual relationship a girl and a guy was having and
3. an innocent girl
I don't know are the bloggers actually naive or pretending to be naive. I know there would be girls who might have been wronged by a girl but if you tell me that you never met a girl in your school, college or office who uses men just like the "JERK" then I would definitely say you are pretending to be naive.
In my school, there was a daughter of a super rich industrialist. I'm saying super rich because I still remember after class 11th results her mother gave us a party in a 5 star just because her daughter passed the exam. She in her school days slept with three different guys and in college she improved her record every year.
Please don't compare this by telling even prostitutes sleeps with hundred men because they do it for survival but here it is just part of fun and enjoyment.
I think since most people have different upbringing so they don't relate to what others are talking about ? In my last post I presumed that people might have seen or been around the same set of people like me.
A second example, during my college I was the college president which meant taking to every person in the college and pretending to be friends with people even if you don't like them. During winters we were planning a trip to Mumbai and Goa. I was the common friend to couple who had different opinions about this trip while the guy wasn't sure about going for the trip, the girl didn't wanted to miss this opportunity. When the guy said no, she went ahead with the trip with another guy form the college who decided to pay for her entire trip to Mumbai and Goa. This new couple enjoyed the most in that trip. Now if we are justifying this then that's fine with me. Everyone has a opinion and I will respect yours' even if you justify this.
Let's analyze it like a writer -
In this story we have three main characters as mentioned above which are taken from wide generalizations done in most of the posts -
1. Righteous guy
2. Wrong guy
3. Innocent girl
2. Wrong guy
3. Innocent girl
In none of the posts, I could find a single person blaming or abusing the wrong guy who used and abused the girl and then betrayed her.
In none of the posts, I could find that it has been told that the girl who actually with her own will made a relationship committed a mistake. Even if it an error in judgement, it is an error at-least accept the fact but people are justifying this act.
In all the post, the new found moral brigade of the society who think themselves as liberals are blaming all the righteous guy for all the problems.
Just consider a case, a guy who was sincere in his school days and never had a relationship, who then went to the college and abstained himself from relations just to be with that "right" person doesn't he deserves honesty ? I can say the question of virginity may be wrong ? but he deserves to know that you had a relation or not ?
The problem is sometimes that we ignore when we judge others but it becomes a problem when people judge you ?
When I was in college I went to another college for a college fest. After the registrations were done, the girl who was registering us came up to me and asked who is your girlfriend among these ? (she refereed to the girls who came from my college)
I said "none". By hearing this answer she said, "I can't image you don't have a girlfriend. You must be having many".You are telling this just to flirt with me. I was astonished with her reply.
I said, "You actually misinterpreted my answer, I said none of them are my girlfriend which is true because she has not come with me for this fest. Secondly, it was pathetic of you to imagine that I would be playing around with multiple girls and even after that you were pleased that I flirted with you"
I went away after that but I wanted to tell her how "sick" her thinking was.
Another example, this is a recent one, in a marriage ceremony few months ago I met an (aunt) aunty who was like the life of the party. We all see these kind of aunties in the marriages who crack jokes,make fun of things and people and does the match making as well. While she was busy with entertaining people I decided to move out of that place. She was a sharp that I must say, she noticed it and asked me why I was leaving ?
I said, "I wasn't interested in her talks". I think it must have got her annoyed, she replied " Yes, today's guys are hardly interested in marriage, you must have been with a dozen girls till now. What marriage has to offer you ? "
First thing it shows that how she makes her judgement but we can't say that she has pathetic and sick thinking. Secondly, it tells you what she thinks marriage has to offer a guy ? "
Here, I won't do what others have done and I won't generalize as not all women think like that. Isn't it ?
Coming back to the 3 generalization. I feel people quoted from their examples and that's good but shouldn't you be blaming the wrong guy rather than the righteous guy ? Should girl/boy be honest before a relationship, not about virginity but what I mentioned at the first paragraph about virginity in mind that are they ready for a new relationship ?
I think is for sure by blaming the righteous guy, the lessons you are giving to your next generation. He may be your younger brother, your son or your grandson that if you sleep with a girl and then betray her they won't say you anything. Just label you as a wrong choice and move on but if you are the righteous guy then you are doomed.
I would say "Mr.Righteous Guy, the world is not a place for you"...
Well..Gaurab..I do agree with some of your points...( BTW , I've read your last post earlier but there was already a heated discussion and didn't want to put more fuel in it , so restrained myself from commenting :-D ) ..Coming back to the present post , there are different types of people around , both boys and girls ..some of them follow strict principles that are instilled in them by generation , some are afraid to take bold steps as one-night -stand or bed-buddies while others have no problem with anything.. ( i'm not judging which is good or bad )now my point is , in this patriarchal society a boy is not criticized for being a Casanova but a girl is highly criticized if she happens to go around with more than one guy .There lies my point that to our society virginity is a thing which a girl must save for her husband / steady boyfriend . We love to forget that the code of virginity is equally applied for boys. Why this discrimination ?ReplyDelete
I do agree that a righteous guy must have the privilege to question about the virtues of his female counterpart....but the same law must be applied for Ms. Righteous ..which , to my chagrin..doesn't happen..
Anyway , eto boRo comment korar jonye sorry... :-P this comment can compete with any short blog post... :-D
I think both of them should be criticized, I brought this point because not a single blogger accepted that there are girls who are casanova as well.They portrayed that girl is always the victim which is not the case.ReplyDelete
Jodi comment ta post-er value badiye dai then it valuable and there is no need to be sorry for that. Ami joto jani, bengali der modde discrimination ta nae, amader "ma" ra, more dominating badi te. Amader modde reverse discrimination ache :P
Bangali tai naak golachhi, last line ta awesome bro! onek funny incidents mone pore galo, specially jokhon Ma and ami bhai ke victimize kore konai thele di to have that afternoon siesta in peace. :P Amar bhai bole "Putra par atyachar karne walo janta maaf nahin karegi" Sorry for the diversion but eto bhari bhari topic ektu halka hoyar mon holo. :)Delete
Hey Gaurab, its interesting to know your thoughts on Virginity :)ReplyDelete
Even though I might not agree to everything written here, its a great read :)
Bro...your post touched my heart.......i felt really emotional after reading this post......:'( finally there is someone who raised his voice for all the righteous guys.......:-) i agree with each n every line...every word of urs.....ReplyDelete
salute from my side...n a 1000 votes too..:-D
I truely agree that girls and boys of today are not naive, I also agree with the thought that the chance of an innocent girl is equal as an innocent boy in a situation. However from the example above i assume you were on the trip to see the girl have a good time in Goa with the other guy, who knows if the guy who stayed back did not have a good time. Sleeping around or sex is given too much of importance or considered taboo in our society. My take would be why be judgemental, nuances of a relation are best known to the two involved :)ReplyDelete
What kind of sick statement are you making...with the example you assumed I was there to see who is having a great time. Sorry to inform you but we were going there for events and being their leader I made all the bookings. Further we were a close group of friends and hence everyone knew what was going on in other's life.Delete
You write" My take would be why be judgemental, nuances of a relation are best known to the two involved " then you should have said this to the person who gave this topic at first place because this topic itself is a discussion between two people and not for the whole world.
Your post mirrors reality as such cases are also happening, though fewer in number, Gaurab.ReplyDelete
Righteous, honest & committed people - whether men or women are rare in today's world. This is KalYug :)
Thanks a lot for the comment. :) Yes, blessed are those who find righteous, honest & committed partners. Truly agree with the KalYug part but there are still people left who value relationships.:) :DDelete
Gaurab Nice post actually in this world righteous person doesn't stand a chance. One of my roomie was having an affair with a guy in an engineering college and she dumps her for a rich jeweler boy and him for an Australian NRI, i am not bothered weather she is a virgin or not virgin she literally played with the emotions of the righteous guy (engineer) whom i saw break down completely (he had told his parents about her) he was committed to her. this is not just one case but many but again I have seen girls getting dumped in a similar fashion, so, no generalization. My case was a fool's case I (teenaged me) foolishly thought I could improve a Casanova so completely and utterly my fault, no, justifications for being silly. But then when I find this righteous guy who actually waited for the right person proposing me it was his righteousness which gave me the strength to be honest with him because he deserves honesty and nothing less than that. He was so, righteous that he never mentioned my past again (including my anxiety disorder past). But again being virgin or not is completely an individual choice and completely their responsibility, one should be liable for his or her actions. and human personality is very complex to be judged on a single parameter of virginity, a person may be ethical and not a virgin. But yes righteous people are hard to find and its frustrating sometimes to be right and be on the loosing end but i suggest be righteous be good it still has its own essence and brings in peace.ReplyDelete
To find righteous people is tough in today's time.. I agree with you...ReplyDelete
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